skinless or battered
the more layers I pull from my skin
the more inadequate I feel
cos I've found another way
to beat myself black and blue
more proof of my lack lustre expression
more reason to continue the self flagellation
cos I've never known another way,
always gotta push harder
spit further
talk louder
build my fort stronger
and all this self introspection
has got me side stepping joy
in the name of dismantling
this habitual pattern
encore
my dark mind roars
sit down stay still yells the soul within
the child she wants daddy
and the teenager
she wants to leave her clothes on the floor
fuck the pain away
touch god with her fingers
call mary back in
pull heaven down to earth
turn the music up loud
and forget her name
was ever sketched across that certificate
cos she's been building a self in their reflection
ever since she took her first breath
never learned to uncover her own face
speak her own sounds
until this moment
this present
this blank space
this right now
this exhale.
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